Say something about gay babies.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
