Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
