my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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