Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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