omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
