Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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