Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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