I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
