well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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