i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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