I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
