KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
