My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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