she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize