Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
