Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
