Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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