Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's blow job season.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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