see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
