As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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