wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
