You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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