Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
