i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
