i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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