That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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