The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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