i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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