i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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