so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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