Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
