His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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