but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
