What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
