i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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