I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
