Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
