I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
