please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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