You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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