In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
