NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
