i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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