I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
