come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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