You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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