i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
