The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
