I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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