well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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