We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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