She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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