Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
