Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
