I will die if light touches me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
