at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
