Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
