And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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