I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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