i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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