just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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