She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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