i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
