Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
