yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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